Title:The Wonder Years – Latent Romance

Author:Ulrike "Pinky" Scherling

Summary:Coach Cutlip invades Kevin’s family

Disclaimer:Wonder Years with all its characters belong to whomever they belong.

 

Itried to write a typical Wonder Years script with a special twist. I hope Ifound the right words. Since I only know the dubbed German version of the showthere could be discrepancies. Critics are appreciated, but don’t be toohard: EmergencyMedicalHologram@gmx.net

 

 

Scene1

 

*Spring!The most beautiful time of the year! The sun woke up from winter’s sleep

spreadingits rays. The trees blossom. Everything’s vibrating in anticipated joy.This

canmean only one thing for a young man…*

 

CUTLIP:       Freeexercises!

 

Youcan see the boy’s class standing on the lawn in front of the school.They’re

grumbling.The coach, his hands planted to his hips looking at the boys.

 

CUTLIP:       Men!I know you all could hardly wait to steel your muscles open air.

                  MotherNature! That’s where a man should be!

 

*Ofcourse. Open air sports. Except for the grass stains on your clothes, half the

schoolcould watch you making yourself an idiot.*

 

Kevinshrugs, sighs and starts hardly with push-ups.

 

 

Scene 2

 

School’scanteen. Paul and several other boys sit at one of the tables"?)Kevin

comesalong with a tray and sits down beside Paul.

 

MITCHELL:   Thatman’s a monster! That’s not gymnastics class, that’s torture.

KEVIN:       I bet, Cutlip’s the only man onearth being able to bait you with fine

weather.

PAUL:        (shaking his hand) All this time Ihad my hands in the pebbles, but he

didn’t let me move an inch.

CHARLIE:    Todayit’s “Amazon invasion from Venus” at cinema. You’ll allbe

coming? Starkiller really isoutstanding.

KEVIN:        Ican’t. My cousin is visiting us for two weeks a fortnight. She’llbe coming today.

PAUL:          Cousin?You’re not talking Glynis with those rabbit teeth?

KEVIN:        Naw,not Glynis. It’s my oldest cousin Annie.

PAUL:          (hiseyes pop out) We’re not talking that one Annie?!?

KEVIN:        (grinning)We do. And she promised to pick me up by car today.

PAUL:          (talkingto the other boys) Annie is absolutely hot…

KEVIN:        Paul…

PAUL:          (fatgrin) Isn’t she, huh?

 

 

Scene 3

 

Kevinand his comrades step out of the school. Kevin looks around and sees his

cousin,leaning on an old rusty small car. When she sees Kevin she moves slowly

towardshim.

 

*Mycousin Annie. 26 years. One of the most beautiful women on the face of earth,IMHO. And one of the coolest. She wasn’t so terribly grown-up. She was

incredible.*

 

ANNIE:        (tapsKevin’s shoulder) Hi Kev’!

KEVIN:        HiAnnie. Good to see you.

 

*Myfriends stood around me and tried to catch Annie’s eyes. But she only hadeyes

for…*

 

Annie’seyes digress from Kevin, who follows her stare.

 

*CoachCutlip*

 

Cutlipleaves the school this very moment. His eyes meet Annie’s and he slowsdown his pace. Her eyes become vitreous. Kevin stares terrified from one to theother. Annie

smilesshyly at Cutlip and looks down. He returns her smile and accelerates, colliding

firstwith a boy then with a hedge. While he does that he looks back again and again.

Kevinneeds some time to find himself again, then he pulls Annie's arm.

 

KEVIN:        Um,can we go?

ANNIE:        Mh?Oh yes, of course…

 

Anniesighs quietly and opens the car at the driver’s side to climb in. Kevinshrugs

andmoves to the other side.

 

 

Scene 4

 

Annie’scar inside. Annie behind the wheel, her mind obviously somewhere else.

Kevinstares nervously out of the window.

 

*Icouldn’t believe it. What I had lived through was a nightmare. Or I waseye witness

ofmy attractive cousin goin’ blind. Although… maybe she just was avery polite

person.Of course! That was it! No one would smile knowingly to a direct offspring of

Caligulaand Genghis Khan.*

 

Kevinrelaxes and smiles in relieve.

 

ANNIE:        Kevin?

KEVIN:       (turns, still smiling) Mh?

ANNIE:        Wasthat one of your teachers?

 

*GoodGawd, and how polite she was!*

 

KEVIN:        Mygymnastics teacher.

ANNIE:        Anddoes he accidentally have a name, your gymnastics teacher?

 

*Shewas way too polite.*

 

KEVIN:        (slightlydistracted) Cutlip. Ed Cutlip.

ANNIE:        (pensive)Ed Cutlip…

 

*OHNAAAAW…*

 

Kevin’seyes open widely.

 

 

Scene 5

 

TheArnold’s place, inside. Kevin runs through the corridor towards kitchen.When he

hearsvoices he stops in front of the half open door.

 

ANNIE:        (off)… probably the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen on a man.

KEVIN’SMOTHER:          (off) And hesmiled, too?

ANNIE:        Thesesmiles!

 

Kevinpeers through the door. His mother’s doing the dishes, Annie at her sidecradles the towel and stares into the air.

 

ANNIE:        Ieven couldn’t sleep. I had to think of it all the time.

MOTHER:     (shooksher head and giggles) That’s funny. The Cutlip Kevin told of

seemedto be a mix of servant baiter and Jack the Ripper.

 

Corridor.Kevin’s standing behind the kitchen door, when a hand slaps his back head.

 

WAYNE:      Oi,ant brain. What that supposed to be?

 

Waynepushes Kevin aside, kicks the kitchen door open and comforts himself onto a

chairat the breakfast table. Kevin follows slowly.

 

MOTHER:    Morning dears. Slept well?

 

*Sleptwell?!? Our family had a serious case of madness and I should’ve slept

well?!?*

 

KEVIN:        Yeah,thanks. (he sits down at the table) Um, quite fine.

 

Motherand Annie sit down, too. Without a word they start having breakfast.

 

ANNIE:        (casual)Tell me, Kevin. Do you know whether Mr. Cutlip is married or

engaged?

 

Kevinspits his cornflakes all over the table.

 

*ForHeaven’s sake! She wanted to bring the enemy right behind the lines. Whydid

nobodydo anything?*

 

KEVIN:       Um, not that I’d knew.

WAYNE:      (giggling)Doesn’t he still live home with Mommy?

MOTHER:     I consider this very reasonable.

 

 

Scene 6

 

Infront of the Arnold’s place. Wayne leaves the house and moves towards theschool

bus.When Kevin follows him, Annie appears behind him holding him back.

 

ANNIE:        Kevin?Could you do me a favour?

 

*Thatwas of course absolutely impossible!*

 

ANNIE:        I…I’ve written a letter. Could you hand it out to Mr. Cutlip?

 

*Wasn’tthere a law or something, to prevent innocent persons being forced to do

suchthings?*

 

ANNIE:        Please?

KEVIN:        (takingthe envelope) Alrite. (running towards the bus)

 


 

Scene7

 

Acorridor at Kevin’s school. Kevin stands in front of his open locker andturns the

letterin his hands.

 

*Howgot I into this? What was Annie thinking how I should do this? Hi Coach,

greetingsfrom my cousin and here is a love letter from her? No way!*

 

Hetakes the letter, closes his locker and runs.

 

 

Scene8

 

Infront of Cutlip’s office. The coach isn’t in. Kevin appears andlooks around several

times.Then he kneels in front of the door pushing the letter under it.

 

*Alrite,that was over. Now I was out here. Hardly possible that Annie occupated our

telephonefor hours whispering sweet words into the coach’s big ears. Probably he

wouldconsider this a silly joke of one of the pupils. It was over.*

 

 

Scene9

 

*Wasn’t.*

 

Kevin’sroom. He sits on his bed. Outside you can hear the telephone ring. Off-

scene-voices

 

MOTHER:     Hello?One moment, I go get her. (louder) Annie? Annie? That call’s for

you!

ANNIE:        (excited)Is it him? Is it him? (forces herself to be calm) Hello?

Hellooooo…Mh, right… That was me…. Yes…. Really?... I felt the

sameway…

 

*Iwas happy I didn’t have to listen to Cutlip, too. Probably his voice alsodripped like

honey.This was the end!*

 

ANNIE:        Yes…Oooh yes… Maybe we could meet?

 

*ThatWAS the end!*

 

ANNIE:        Tomorrowwould be splendid… Our place? For dinner?... 8 PM? …

Wonderful!... Looking forward toit, too… See you then. Bye! (louder)

He’ll come! He’ll come!Oh, thank you so much, auntie, that you allowed

me to invite him!

 

Kevin’seyes open widely horrified.

 

*Mymother! My own mother was participant of this conspiration! I was surrounded by

traitors!I had to leave the house in time!*

 

 

Scene 10

 

TheArnold’s kitchen. Kevin’s mother cuts vegetables with a knife.

 

MOTHER:     (nettled)No, you cannot spend the night at Paul’s house!

KEVIN:        ButWayne…

MOTHER:     Wayneasked me three days ago to go out tonight. We’ve got a visitor

today,Kevin. Don’t be so inpolite!

KEVIN:        Mom…

 

Thedoor bell rings.

 

MOTHER:    Ah, that may be Mr. Cutlip. Will you go and open?

KEVIN:        WHAT?

MOTHER:     Iasked you to go open the door and let Mr. Cutlip in.

KEVIN:        OhMom! Can’t Annie…

MOTHER:     She’snot ready now.

KEVIN:        She’snot ready for at least two hours!

MOTHER:    Ke-vin!

KEVIN:       Alrite, alrite…

 

*Withinthese seconds my whole life passed in front of my eyes. I would have givenanything for a big, big hole swallowing me.*

 

Withthe expression of certain death on his face he opens the house door. In frontof

thehouse Cutlip is busy to sort the few hairs he has left. He’s wearing asuit that not only saw better days but a more slender owner. In his hand Cutlipholds a bunch of

batteredflowers, wrapped in paper. When he sees Kevin his bright smile disappears.

Quicklyhe hides the flowers behind his back. Suspicious he looks around.

 

CUTLIP:       Arnold…

ANNIE:        (off)There you are!

 

Anniehas appeared behind Kevin and now stands in the door. She looks

outstanding.Cutlip swallows loudly. Both don’t say a word only stare at each other.

ThenAnnie’s eyes catch a point behind Cutlip. On the street an impressing red

sportscar is parked.


 

ANNIE:        Coolcar!

CUTLIP        (lookingbehind) Umm, yeh…

 

*Ididn’t want to anticipate at any circumstance, but since when you had towear

bicycleclamps to drive a sports car?*

 

Kevinwithdraws carefully, while Annie and Cutlip still stare at each other. Then the

coachnotices that he still is hiding the flowers behind his back. First he wants to

handit over in its paper, then pulls his hand back and diswraps the flowers very

fussy.Some of the roses are bent.

 

*Flowers!To be honest I would’ve bet on a bunch of peanuts or jellybeans.*

 

CUTLIP:       Theyare… a little… They were… on the…

 

*bicyclecarrier*

 

ANNIE:        (takesthe roses) They are so beautiful. (They start to stare again) Why don't we goin?

 

Sheturns and goes into the house. Cutlip pushes the paper in the jacket’spocket,

thenbends over to remove the clamps and let it slide into the other pocket.

 

 

Scene 11

 

TheArnold family and Cutlip sitting at the dinner table. The coach obviously is

enjoyingthe meal as he hardly hovers his chin from the plate. Annie sits vis a vis and

canhardly eat as she’s yearning for him. Kevin’s expression isslightly disgusted.

 

KEVIN:        (laysdown the fork) Ready, Mum. Can I go?

MOTHER:     (sighing)Okay, take a run.

 

Kevinjumps up and leaves the room hastily. Cutlip stops food input for two seconds

tolook after him.

 

 

Scene 12

 

Kevin’sroom. Kevin comes inside, closes the door and leans against it.

 

*Therethey were, the shreds of my life. And all of it was the guilt of a man,stealing

himselfinto honest families, disturbing the peace destroying all the food storage. The

onlyhope I could have was Annie being healed from her crush after that

evening.*


 

 

WhenKevin hears voices from outside he steps to the window and takes a look.

 

 

Scene 13

 

Perspectivefrom Kevin’s room, pointing to the lawn in front of the Arnold’splace.

Annieand Cutlip standing on the way street side. Voices softened.

 

ANNIE:        Thankyou for coming, Ed. I enjoyed that evening very much.

CUTLIP:       Sowe’ll meet tomorrow?

 

Annienods.

 

CUTLIP:       I’llpick you up at 700 pm.

 

Annieturns around taking a few steps towards the house Then she turns again

pressinga short hearty kiss on his lips. When she wants to move again he softly

holdsher wrist and kisses her lips, a little longer and more tender.

 

ANNIE:        (gentle)Good night, Ed.

CUTLIP:       Goodnight.

 

Annieruns into the house. Cutlip looks after her for a while, then goes towards the

street,looking carefully around. Then he pulls a bicycle from behind the bushes. He

climbsit and totters down the street.

 

 

Scene 14

 

Kevin’sroom. He turns away from the window, when he hears a knock on the door.

 

ANNIE:        (off,from behind the door) Kevin? May I come in?

 

Kevinquickly sits down at his desk opening a book.

 

KEVIN:        Umm,yes, come in.

 

Annieopens the door, comes in and sits down on the edge of Kevin’s bed.

 

KEVIN:        (forcedmerry) What’s up?

ANNIE:        Wantedto thank you.

KEVIN:        Thankme?

ANNIE:        Withoutyour help I would have never had the chance to meet Ed.

KEVIN:        Oh.

ANNIE:        I’mso happy, I could tear out trees. Know something, Kevin? Ed really

is the man, I’ve always dreamtof.

 

*Sothe man of her dreams was a voracious slave-driver with loss of hair? Good to

know.*

 

Annierises, goes toward the door and opens it.

 

ANNIE:        (towardsKevin) I think, I’ve never been so in love before.

 

Annie’sgliding out of the room that closes behind her. Kevin looks behind her, his

faceis telling a story.

 

 

 

Scene 15

 

Thecorridor at the Arnold’s house, the light is a strange kind of darklish.Kevin

standsin front of the kitchen door, behind you can hear sqeezing steps. When he

touchesthe door, it bashes open. In front of him there stands Annie. She’swearing

tracktrousers, white polo shirt, red baseball cap, holding a padd.

 

ANNIE:        (imperious)Arnold! 60 tracks round the house!

KEVIN:        What?!?

ANNIE:        (emphatically)Six! ty! tracks! Round! The! House! (pulling out a whistle

andblows into it.)

 

Theshrill sound echoes into the next take.

 

 

Scene 16

 

Kevinstarts up in his bed with terrified looks.

 

 

Scene 17

 

Thesky over the Arnold’s place. During the following the camera lowers. Fromthe

perspectivefrom Kevin’s room you can see the lawn in front of the house. It’snight time.

 

*Thenext day the coach appeared 45 minutes early. Lucky enough Annie lured him

outof the house. When they returned their relationship obviously had developed

positive.The goodbye ceremony took quite a time.*

 

Infront of the house you can see the shadows of Annie and Cutlip in a deep

embrace.Obviously the don’t want to finish kissing the next minutes.


 

*Alas,neither Annie nor Cutlip were that kind of party people. And so my gymnastics

teacherwas part of our day after very short time.*

 

 

Scene 18

 

*Hegave parts of my family a ride*

 

Yousee Cutlip riding his bike on the street. He wears his baseball cap back tofront.

Onthe carrier Annie sits like on a lady’s saddle cuddling up to his back.

 

 

 

Scene 19

 

 

*Hedecimated our food storage*

 

Cutlipsits at the big wooden table in the Arnold’s back garden , devouring agiant

hamburger.Annie is sitting at his side. She addresses him, wiping ketchup with a napkinfrom the corner of his mouth. Then she kisses him.

 

 

Scene 20

 

*Heoccupied our home*

 

Thedarkened living room. On one of the armchairs lolls Wayne. On the right edge of

thecouch Kevin squeezed himself, on the left Cutlip sits holding Annie in hisarms.

It’sStar Trek on TV.

 

ANNIE:        (cuddlingcloser to Cutlip) I wonder all the time whether those guys

reallyare the future of the universe.

 

Cutlipgrouches.

 

ANNIE:        Onevery of those vessels there should be a guy like you, Ed.

CUTLIP:       Wouldyou like that? Okay, if you want to, I’ll promise.

ANNIE:        Really?

CUTLIP:       Itwill take me some time, but I’ll manage it.

ANNIE:        (puttingher head onto Cutlip’s chest) That’s fine.

 

Kevinmakes a grimace without turning his eyes from the TV set.


 

*Ididn’t want to imagine. A star ship lost in space, far from home, huntedby

dirtyaliens, with a guy like Cutlip aboard. Poor crew…*

 

 

Scene 21

 

Kevin’ssitting on the little wall in front of the garage and tosses a basketball tothe

ground.He is in a bad mood. Cutlip appears at the front door with two beer cans, oneof them already open. He slowly moves toward Kevin and stands in front of

himendecided.

 

CUTLIP:       Hello.

KEVIN:        (lookingup for a second) Hi.

CUTLIP:       Prettywarm outside, mh?

KEVIN:        Uh-huh.

CUTLIP:       Gota drink here for you.

KEVIN:        Thanks.(taking the can looking to another direction)

CUTLIP:       (staysat his place and looks at Kevin) Can we have a talk?

KEVIN:        (surprised)Umm, yes, of course.

 

Cutlipsits down on the wall next to Kevin and takes a sip out of the can.

 

CUTLIP:       Youcan’t stand me, mh?

KEVIN:        What?

CUTLIP:       Gettingon your nerves, don’t I?

KEVIN:        Um,no, coach…

CUTLIP:       Firstof all stop that “Coach” and “Mr. Cutlip” and“Sir” all the time.

KEVIN:        Whatshall I call you?

CUTLIP:       NotMr. Ed. (makes a face)

KEVIN:        (fightsdown a grin) Alright.

CUTLIP:       (Strugglingfor words) Now I got out of it… Ummm… Kevin. I’d be very

glad if you would stop looking at melike you’re afraid I’d make you

perform 50 knee-bends.

 

Kevinremains quiet.

 

CUTLIP:       Iknow you guys believe baiting and torturing you would be the whole

content of my life. (his lookbecomes empty) All I want is you boys not to

become such losers as I am.

KEVIN:        (irritated)Losers?

CUTLIP:       Y’know,there was I time when I was nothing but a slip of a boy. In

Corea they shot away half of myskull. Back then I thought that would

have changed me. When I returnedhome I was a slip of a boy with a

headache.


 

Kevinfrowns helplessly.

 

CUTLIP:       Kevin…(tries a helpless smile) Just try to see it as a lesson for live,

okay?

 

*SomehowI felt moved in a very strange way. This wasn’t the Cutlip I knew. Did he

change?Did my point of view change? I nearly felt something like sympathy for this

man.*

 

CUTLIP:       Anniegave me the feeling to not be a slip of a boy anymore… Your

beer gets warm.

KEVIN:        Mh?Oh yes.

 

Cutliptakes the basketball from Kevin, putting his beer can aside. When Kevin opens

hiscan, sipping the first beer of his life with a fitting expression on hisface,Cutlip

hopsoff the wall throwing the ball to the basket over the garage. Quickly Kevin ison

hisside taking the ball. Seconds later both are involved in a game.

 

*Myworst enemy had mutated to some kind of big brother within a few minutes. It

washard to believe. I played basketball, and though Ed Cutlip was present I hadfun.

Thisman loved my cousin? I wouldn’t have entrustedt her to any other man. Ihad

checkedout Ed Cutlip and considered him for good.*

 

Kevinstops playing for a second grinning at Cutlip.

 

 

Scene 22

 

Thelawn in front of Kevin’s school. Closeup to Cutlip’s face, wearinghis cap back to

front. He’s shining and jumps up in the next very moment, running with afootball

underhis arm. Gymnastics class is hunting him. When five boys hang on him, he falls

down.Obviously everyone has big fun. Kevin has stopped shortly before that pulk of

laughingguys. Paul Pfeiffer runs along, taps his shoulder and jumped on the bunch.

 

*Aftermy comrades were over their first shock, they quickly found fun in this new

gymnasticsclass. And the man they had to thank for it would probably be a part of

myfamily soon. Yes, Annie and Ed were made for each other.*

 

 

Scene 23

 

TheArnolds and Annie sitting round the breakfast table.

 

ANNIE:        No,we broke up.

 

Kevinjerks up.

 

MOTHER:     Butyesterday you were two hearts in one mind. What happened?

ANNIE:        Awwww,(forks in her scrambled eggs), I believe, Ed simply wasn’t Mr.

Right.

 

*NotMr. Right??? Who on earth was Annie to think she could judge that? She

broughtout the best of this man then let him down and broke his heart? I hated my

cousin.*

 

ANNIE:        (forcedcareless) Well, I think, I’ll return home today. I don’t want Ed to

appear here with false hopes.

 

Kevinstares at her hostile.

 

 

Scene 24

 

Gymhall. Coach Cutlip stands in front of a big blackboard irritating Kevin’s

classmateswith fussy diagrams. The faces of the boys are irritated. Only Kevin looks

atCutlip thoughtful.

 

*Idon’t know what went on in the heads of my classmates, but I think theytook last

week’sgood-humoured coach for a pure accident. At least you couldn’t sense athing

ofEd Cutlip’s change anymore. But I couldn’t see him with the sameeyes as before.

Ionly saw that slip of a boy with headaches that never ever got a gift fromlife.*

 

THE END

 

 

**…No, no, no… I hate this end as much as you do. It probably would be onthe

showthat way, but Cutlip was too good for them anyway.**

 

 

Cutlipsstops talking and he looks with sad eyes to the wall. You can hear the door of

thehall opening. When the coach sees who came in he seeks a grip at the

blackboard.In the door there stands Annie.

 

ANNIE:        (whilewalking slowly towards Ed) Ed… I… I was so stupid. I tried to

forgetyou... Didn’t want to think of you anymore... Couldn’t do it.

Please,Ed, forgive me. Ed. I love you. I love you so much…

 

MeanwhileEd stands right in front of Annie and smiles loving at her.

 

CUTLIP:       (softly)Will you please be quiet now?

 

Heembraces Annie kissing her. The boys watch the scene speechless.

OnlyKevin smiles satisfied.

 

THEEND

:o)

 

 

Story © 2002 by Pinky. Reproduced on the Official Robert Picardo Web Site with permission of the author.

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